Thanks to North Stars Play-by-Play man, Dan O'Connor for posting this Kijiji page on Twitter because it's all class.
This guy wants to go to Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Finals really, really bad, and here are the offerings he is prepared to make for a ticket to the game:
- Take care of your arch nemesis Batman-style
- Convince your wife to get fakies
- Frame your boss in a naughty scandal involving gerbils, parachutes, and Zdeno Chara.
- Be your wife's pool boy
- Make sure your flowers are well watered from September to June.
- Never date your daughter*
- Construct a hydroponics set-up in your neighbours basement while they're at work one day, then leave an anonymous tip.
- Allow you to choose my attire for the entire game. From head to toe. Brand me, paint me, wax me, whatever. Just no tattoos or piercings.
- Babysit your kids for a year. 95% of said babysitting responsibilities will be done remotely from Toronto.
- Perform mammograms**
- Take you to the arena in a rickshaw while serenading you to the theme song of The Littlest Hobo
- Kiss someone at the corner of Main and Hastings
- Streak on a live television broadcast after the game, win or lose.
- Send a bunch of questionable "Ladies of the Night" to the Bruins hotel tomorrow night.
- Dump your girlfriend/boyfriend on your behalf
- Run my tongue through Kevin Bieksa's playoff beard for at least 2 minutes
- Shoot roman candles out my butt on the steps of the Art Gallery as the Parade goes by***
*Unless you're a farmer, minister, or Pippa Middleton's old man.
** Graduated top of my class from Nick Riveria's School of Breast Examination & Automotive Maintenance
***Presumes the Canucks win the Cup.
Please don't hesitate to contact me if you are interested in any or all of the aforementioned negotiable currency. All I want to do is be in the barn on Wednesday night. Somebody make me an offer, serious or otherwise. And really, do you think you'll have more fun going to the game with your yappy wife?
Now that is some serious dedication, personally, I'd be looking at the Batman item, rickshaw travel and the tonguing of Bieksa's beard (just watching him try to chase him down would be awesome). Obviously this guy has some solid dedication and I'm sure he is an upstanding citizen that will make good on his promises. It also brings about the question, what would you do for tickets?
The most I've ever done for hockey tickets was to wander around Vancouver for an evening trying to squeeze cheap Olympics tickets out of scalpers. I got laughed at twice and one guy told me he'd rather burn the tickets, but I did end up getting excellent lower bowl seats for a Germany/Belarus game for half-off face value. So that's not really crazy at all and it just shows dedication to my bank account.
So what would you do for tickets to see your team in Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Finals? Would you fork out ridiculous amounts of money or opt for a more... eclectic form of payment like our friend on Kijiji?
If you're in Vancouver and can help a guy out, here's the link to the page: http://tinyurl.com/3qacyqg
Here's a link to a second page of payments from Kijiji Guy.
And yet a third page... like I said, this guy really wants to be at that game.
Hope you enjoy what should be an entertaining Game 7!
Post Script: After doing some quick Ebay checking, tickets for Game 7 are already auctioning at around 2,000 dollars, though there are a bunch of listings starting around 5-8 thousand (all Canadian). There is one monster listing for $244,299.99 for a luxury box with 20 tickets, drinks and catered food available. So for nearly a quarter of a million, you and 19 friends can take in the game, very practical.